I woke up the other night at 2 in the morning and for the life of me, I couldn’t go back to sleep until well after 5a. Something was bothering me but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I started writing. With all the hours in the day, my mind is clearest in the wee hours (go figure…)
Here is what I wrote, with some edits to account for sleep deprivation.
I’m planning on taking an indefinite step back from my blog and social channels. Not because I need a breather, necessarily. In fact I recently hit a few of the goals I set for myself and have been enjoying posting and interacting with you. But while I do love Instagram, lately I’ve felt that my consumption has started to guide my story instead of me guiding what the next page looks like. I want to re-channel back to my original vision for launching my blog, which is to tell stories, make connections and to perhaps inspire a little community. To talk about the things that make my heart sing and to tap into my passions.
First and foremost, my passion and end goal is to find a way to encourage and help build self esteem and confidence in young women. Secondarily, it’s talking about things I simply love talking about…self care/wellness, cooking & food and the occasional beauty product or moment I get really dressed up. It’s wasn’t to build a “modeling portfolio” within my Instagram feed, which I feel it’s become. It wasn’t to encourage you to spend your money and buy this top or these jeans because they’re cute and on sale. It wasn’t to spend two hours a day sifting through my feed, inevitably comparing myself to this person or that latest trend. It wasn’t to map out what I needed to buy to keep up with fresh outfit posts or dictate my schedule each day around what I “needed” to post on Instagram. I’ll leave it to the real Influencers, the bloggers who were born to do these things. They do a beautiful job of sharing daily outfit inspiration, new recipes, home decor etc. and I commend them. It’s an unbelievable amount of work, and I really do like following them. But throughout this process, if I listen to myself closely enough, I know it’s just not me.
If you’ve been following along for awhile, thank you! You’ve seen me shift paths a couple of times from food to fashion and back again, and I appreciate you reading and being a part of my journey. It’s been a really wonderful learning experience and I wouldn’t change any of it. I know every successful blogger would tell you that I’m making a mistake, that consistency is key and half the battle is showing up. But I can’t keep showing up without being there 100%.
I’m craving both privacy and purpose and I want to give myself an opportunity to find it without distraction. So I am taking a step back, indefinitely. I’m going to write, curate stories from my community. Build something I’m proud of that can leave the meaningful stamp I genuinely want to create beyond just a trail of pretty pictures. I think that means going against what is popular, which is okay by me. I have a hunch that when I do find my intention, it will have a different form and voice and I’m excited to discover it! Pardon the cheesiness, but my intention is to let my heart lead me this time and we’ll see where I end up.
Until then, thank you again for being a part of this journey with me. I hope I can come back with the direction I’m yearning for, and if I’m lucky it will be something you’ll want to lean into as well.